Showing posts with label influence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label influence. Show all posts

The secret of influence everyone forgot


By Neil Patrick




Go and take a look at your Twitter feed. Do it now.

Scroll down the tweets in your feed and look at the little icons beneath each tweet.

Notice anything?

I'm willing to bet that most tweets you see will have zero shares, zero likes, zero comments.

No-one sees or is interested in 99% of their Twitter feed. This fact is a problem for the posters. And an opportunity for everyone else.

The explosion of online content (and the platforms’ manipulation of it for their own ends) means that only the very highest profile people and most active posters get much engagement with their social media output.

And this simple fact is in my opinion the most overlooked opportunity to create online influence.

This isn’t a marketing or media blog. So why am I bringing this up?

Because this current state of play is a huge opportunity for anyone who wants to build influence online. And online influence translates to offline influence more than ever.

If you are serious about your career, how much better placed are you if the internet recognises you as influential in your profession?

You’ll have a bigger network. A more authoritative voice. And the ability to help others.

Notice the last point. Help others.

Not ourselves. As the global marketing director of one of the big four global consulting firms once said to me about her firm’s social media,  "We have too much media and not enough social".

She summed up the situation perfectly. Her firm employs thousands of the best and brightest minds globally. Their daily production of expert and insightful material posted online far exceeds what I could produce in a year.

Yet when I looked at the social media influence of even the most active and established people people at her firm, almost none had achieved any significant online influence.

They were all putting high quality and interesting content online. But no-one cared. Their impact was virtually zero. It was because they thought that merely creating and posting things online was the whole task.

It isn’t.

Online influence is the outcome of positive interactions with other people, not fire and forget. And as Dale Carnegie wrote in 1936, "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you".



So if you want to be influential online don’t follow the herd. Show your network that you care about them more than yourself. It is actions more than words which determine how others see us.

Decide who the people and organisations are that are potentially valuable to you. Put all of them onto a Twitter list. Call the list something flattering, such as ‘My favourite people online’.

Forget your main Twitter feed. Instead when you go to Twitter, go to your list and you can see what all of your important accounts are tweeting.

Share the ones you like. Better still add a positive comment.

This task takes no more than about 10 minutes a day.

Do it daily and the people you want to build a relationship with will notice. Sooner or later they will reciprocate. At the very least they will remember you and think well of you.

A similar approach applies to Linkedin. Last night as I was going through my new invitations to connect on LinkedIn, I came across an invitation from a lady who was a singer/songwriter. On the face of it, I have no reason to connect with such a person. Nonetheless I accepted.

But I also sent her a message thanking her for connecting with me and offering to introduce her to someone I know who is influential in the music biz. She was thrilled at the unexpected offer.

How often have others done a similar thing for me at our first encounter? Hardly ever.

Which is the whole point. In the space of 10 minutes I had been able to help out two people. Perhaps the introduction will be fruitful. Perhaps not. That is up to them. But this simple gesture of goodwill cost me nothing. For me there are no downsides.

In itself, this gesture won’t change my world. But because I do such things almost every day, I accrue goodwill from an ever increasing number of people. And that cumulative goodwill does amount to a great deal.

Almost daily, I am approached by others with requests for help. Offers of collaboration. Business enquiries. And even the postman must be confused by the number of packages that arrive from all over the world, when people send me things as gifts of thanks.

Recently I met with a director of one of the world’s biggest recruitment firms. At the end of our meeting, he said, "I follow you on Twitter - that’s how I knew about you". I was somewhat embarrassed that this fact had escaped my notice. He had noticed me, but I hadn’t noticed him.

But if he had ever engaged with me on social media, I would have certainly noticed.

If these anecdotes still don’t convince you, I have one final argument for adopting this approach - it’s a great deal easier and much less time consuming to be kind to others online than it is to create a new piece of content that goes viral.

And if you want a guide to social media, the best book about it was written in 1936. It was called simply, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’.

‘Nuff said.


The poisonous words that undermine your credibility


By Neil Patrick

The words we choose determine who we are to the ears of everyone we speak to.

I just read a post here at Fast Company by Hunter Thurman which proposed that overuse of the word "so" in business conversations undermines our credibility.

But I don’t agree with his argument that the word "so" is particularly damaging. Here’s an extract from his post.

Hunter argued that:

1. “SO” INSULTS YOUR AUDIENCE

That little head cock, slight furrowing of the brow, and set-up with “so” says to your audience, “I’m trying to dumb this down so someone like you may have at least a chance of comprehending the importance of what I do.”

The person with whom you’re talking won’t call you on it, because he won’t even consciously recognize it. But the convention we’ve all created around “so” will register subconsciously, and the damage will be done.

2. “SO” UNDERMINES YOUR CREDIBILITY

The “so” setup also announces: here comes the rehearsed part of my discussion.

It’s like a poker player’s tell that announces to your audience that they’re about to get pitched. This one is easier to observe than the insult I talked about above--just walk up to the first peer you encounter and ask him what he’s working on.

He’ll follow with, “So, I’m optimizing our UI to better convert... ”

It’s obvious that you just heard his “public” version of his current workload. The more honest answer might be something like, “I’m trying to figure out where one f-ing period is jagging up all this code... ”

3. “SO” DEMONSTRATES THAT YOU’RE NOT 100% COMFORTABLE WITH WHAT YOU’RE SAYING

Just as the “so” setup announces that this portion of the conversation will be very deliberate, it also demonstrates that you’re not as comfortable with your story as you think you are.

Rather than just plainly answering their question, you’re relying on the crutch of a practiced blurb. Usually, whatever follows “so” is a carefully crafted sentence, evolved over many iterations and audience reactions.


I do not agree. And judging by the comments on Hunter’s post a lot of people feel the same way.

The word “so” is a conjunction. And anyone who has a basic grasp of grammar knows the rule which says you should never begin a sentence with a conjunction.

“And” is also a conjunction. And I choose to begin sentences with it all the time. I know I’m breaking the rules of good grammar. But, (yes that’s another conjunction) I do so deliberately. I happen to think that blogging doesn’t benefit from the application of strict grammar. It should be conversational. It should be easy to read. It should flow. Plenty of top selling fiction writers know this. And they do the same thing.



Personally, if someone uses the word “so” at the beginning of a sentence in a business conversation with me, I don’t mark them down. I interpret it as simply meaning “what I am about to say has a causal relationship with the previous thing I said”. And that’s fine with me.

So, I think Hunter has arrested the wrong suspect.

But (yes I did it again), I agree with him that the words we choose to use determine how we are perceived by an audience. And I’d like to propose a list of villains that I think really qualify for incarceration.

How about these:

Like…

“‘I like horror movies” is just fine. “I’m like thinking” is not. For some reason, this has become the default tic of young females, especially in the US and UK. It implies youth, but also cluelessness.

You know?

This is just annoying. And a little insulting. Of course I know. You just told me (or are about to).

Frankly

The speaker is striving for the implication that they’re being honest. Which suggests to me they are not.

Right?

As a tic inserted in every paragraph, not only is it irritating, after a while the listener begins to wonder if you’re not trying to convince yourself. Right?

Literally

Another one which when combined with “like” promotes a quiet raging inside me. Some people apparently don’t understand what the word really means. They just use it for general emphasis. If you use it, you risk being dumped into the bucket with them.

I freely admit I am not without guilt as anyone who has spoken with me will testify. I'm perhaps the world’s greatest hesitator and at least half of my spoken sentences are prefixed by a great big ‘ummm’.

I know I do it and I try hard to minimise it. But I know I’ll never banish it completely.

And that is OK I think.

No, our real enemy is our unconscious use of the words which sneak into our vocabulary through others’ repetition and overuse.

The solution isn’t to banish words from our vocabulary. Or to apply strict rules of grammar. It’s to try and hear ourselves when we speak. Learn to listen to ourselves and make every word count.

You might think none of this matters in our normal day to day conversations. And I’d agree. But if we use these times to practice our mindful choice of vocabulary, we’ll be much better able to present ourselves credibly when the important speaking occasions arise.

So, it’s like you know, let’s literally think about the stuff we say. Frankly we’ll be perceived in a better light. Right?